Grief and Loss

Definition

Grief is a profound emotional response experienced following the loss of a loved one. As it is deeply personal, the grieving process varies greatly from individual to individual. It serves as a testament to the bond shared and, therefore, can feel overwhelming in its aftermath. Gender differences in grieving have been observed, where women may express grief through crying and verbal expression, while men may cope by staying occupied or engaging in purposeful activity.

Grief may also encompass secondary emotions such as trauma, guilt, or shock—especially in cases of sudden loss or upon encountering certain triggers. Importantly, grief is not exclusive to bereavement. It may also arise from the loss of identity, unfulfilled professional aspirations, financial instability, or other significant life changes.

Among Gen Z, grief often manifests as withdrawal and isolation, particularly due to generational misunderstandings wherein their emotional distress may be minimized or dismissed by older family members.

Types of Grief

  1. Acute Grief: This is a typical and time-bound form of grieving. Individuals experiencing acute grief, over time, begin to integrate the loss into their lives. Eventually, they are able to recall the deceased with bittersweet emotions rather than being consumed by sorrow. This form of grief gradually allows space for positive emotions like joy, personal growth, and acceptance.
  2. Prolonged Grief: In contrast, prolonged grief is characterized by the persistence of intense emotional distress long after the loss. Feelings of sorrow, guilt, and helplessness remain unrelenting and begin to mirror symptoms of clinical depression. In such cases, therapeutic support is often necessary to prevent further disruption to daily functioning. To know more about Prolonged Grief Disorder, click here.

Stages of Grief 

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss American psychiatrist, there are 5 stages of grief common to an emotional loss. They are as follows:

  1. Denial: Individuals may initially reject the reality of their loss. Denial acts as a defense mechanism, shielding them from immediate emotional pain. Although temporary, this stage can help them process reality more gradually.
  2. Anger: Anger often follows denial and may be directed at the deceased, oneself, or others. It originates from fear and helplessness and can serve as an emotional outlet when more vulnerable feelings are difficult to express.
  3. Bargaining: Individuals in this stage may attempt to negotiate with a higher power in hopes of reversing or lessening the loss. This process reflects their desire to regain a sense of control over a painful situation.
  4. Depression: A natural and necessary response to loss, this stage involves deep sadness and introspection. Unlike clinical depression, it is not a diagnosis but rather a phase of mourning during which the individual may withdraw from social interactions and confront the depth of their pain.
  5. Acceptance: Acceptance is not the absence of grief but the acknowledgment of reality. Individuals at this stage begin to adjust to life without their loved one, finding ways to move forward while honoring the past.

Another model of grief is known as the Dual Process Model which was developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut.

According to them, in this model, the individual oscillates between “loss oriented” and “restoration oriented” phases while in the process of grief. 

  1. Loss oriented phase: In the loss oriented phase of this model, the individual grieves the loss of the loved one from their life. Usually, in the loss oriented phase, the person may display negative ways of coping with grief such as resistance to change and holding on to the sorrow.  Often, people have reduced control over their emotions which may result in frequent spells of sadness and crying outbursts.
  2. Restoration phase: In the restoration phase of this model, the individual focuses more on rebuilding their life and regaining control. It does not mean that the individual forgets the loss entirely, rather they integrate it into their lives and remain open to change. Often, the individual while focusing on readjusting to their life, might lose their way and remain confused regarding their identity without their loved one in the world. While the restoration phase leads to healthier coping mechanisms and a better quality of life, it can be quite difficult for the person at the beginning.

Causes

  • Death of a loved one
  • Chronic or terminal illness
  • End of a meaningful relationship
  • Miscarriage or infertility
  • Financial loss or job loss
  • Loss of identity or personal purpose

Signs and Symptoms

  • Emotional numbness, especially after a sudden loss
  • Persistent feelings of guilt
  • Anger or resentment directed at the deceased or others
  • Fatigue and low energy
  • Sleep disturbances or insomnia

Treatment

1. Psychotherapy

  • Prolonged Grief Therapy (PGT): Prolonged Grief Therapy is a structured therapeutic approach designed to support individuals experiencing intense and persistent grief. Drawing upon elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy and other evidence-based practices, PGT focuses on helping individuals process the emotional impact of their loss, confront avoided thoughts and emotions, and gradually adapt to a life without the deceased. It supports the development of meaning and purpose while addressing any disruptions in daily functioning.
  • Grief Counselling: Grief counselling as a therapeutic intervention is designed to help individuals cope with a loss of a loved one from their life. Grief counselling can help an individual take rational decisions post the loss and can aid in the process of readjustment of an individual back to their normal lives after learning constructive strategies to cope with the loss. 
  • Complicated Grief Therapy(CGT): Complicated grief therapy is a form of psychotherapy that contains techniques from both cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy (IPT). It involves graded exposure to the experience that resulted in prolonged grief for the client. Repeated exposure to the situation would help the client cope with the loss more constructively. CGT considers grief to be an adaptive process and aims to remove the obstacles that stand in the way of one’s recovery from the loss. 
  • Narrative Therapy: Narrative therapy often involves a narrative reconstruction of the experience that led to prolonged grief so as to cope in a positive manner with the loss. In this technique, therapists encourage a systematic reconstruction of the incident in the client’s mind along a chronological timeline. This therapy centers around healing from grief by reconstructing the personal narrative the individual might have regarding the loss. By reconstructing one’s own beliefs regarding the incident, people can cope and recover from the grief in a much healthier manner. 

2. Coping Strategies

  • Acceptance: Embracing the reality of the loss is a foundational step in the grieving process. Acceptance enables individuals to begin integrating the loss into their daily life. It is not a sign of forgetting, but rather a conscious acknowledgment that allows healing to begin.
  • Non-Judgmental Emotional Processing: It is essential to experience grief-related emotions without self-criticism. Whether emotions are openly expressed or kept internal, creating space for them without judgment allows for a more compassionate and effective healing process.
  • Establishing a Routine: Reintroducing a sense of structure through consistent daily routines—such as regular meals, physical activity, and sleep—can restore emotional balance. Engaging in these routines also serves as a grounding technique, helping individuals regain control over their lives during a period of emotional upheaval.

Conclusion: Grieving is not about forgetting what has been lost but about learning to live alongside it with compassion. With adequate time and resources for support, you can begin to honor your grief while gradually readjusting to life once again.

Related resources: If you are navigating prolonged grief symptoms in your life after a loss, access these resources to help:

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